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无谓的争吵
作者:泽地冰澌 发布日期:2020-03-09 点击数:1689
  之前去跟某人度蜜月的时候,曾请教过导师应该注意的事项,因为某人除了美丽,还脾气傲娇。

  导师喝口茶,眯着眼,以过来人的身份给我以谆谆教导。

  他说:首先,你老大不小了,也成家了,以后要学会节俭过日子,这次旅行中,安全套就省了吧,别用了,怪费钱的,尤其宾馆里的,性价比低不说,还阻坏当时的和未来的幸福生活。

  我无言以对,暗暗感激他的用心良苦。

  他还说:两个人相处,尤其最亲密的人相处中,最怕的是无谓的争吵。什么是无谓的争吵?,就是没有意义没有结果的争吵。这种争吵完全是情绪的失控宣泄,殊不知,多数时候,由于宣泄的尺度过大,口子开张,会被外界或者对方灌入更多的负面情绪。这种争吵,吵一次隔阂大一次,吵一次疏远一次,以至于导致离开的速度摆脱了情感引力的束缚,就注定了姻缘的崩坏。

  我说:不是说打是亲骂是爱吗,不吵架,那与亲密的人岂不是不能激烈的交流了?

  他说:俗语太害人,你别信那些,打是仇者看着亲,骂是妒者听着爱。另外,激烈的交流只局限于语言交流吗?你小子太迂腐!当然,我也不是说不能吵架,是说不要做无谓的吵架,科学的客观的有助于提高生活质量的吵架还是应该保留一些的,不过要尽量保持情绪平稳,多站在对方的角度来看问题,这种程度叫讨论或许更合适。

  我说:明白了,这种鸡汤我以前也饮过,您的味道还算正宗。但我是说就目前我这趟历险,您还有什么经验教训,给我提个醒。

  他说:你们这样年轻人的浪漫,我没有经历过,更没有什么血的教训给你做案例。但至于说两个人旅行中应该注意哪事情,我觉得还是不要争吵。我刚才也是想说这个问题来着,但你一问,我就给泛泛化了,就成了鸡汤了。

  他继续说:两个人出门在外,由于环境陌生,都带着敏感和刺激,一旦发生什么意料之外的不爽之事,就容易激动,并通过争吵把过错推到对方头上,这是最坏的行为方式。因为在旅途中,都把对方当成最可靠的人,争吵会把这种信任降低,从而使双方充满不安全感,这种安全感的缺乏又会增加情绪的压力,使争吵脱离轨道以至于失控,从而导致怨恨、欺骗甚至短暂的仇视。这些情绪是厄运的催化剂,会把意外的坏事推向更坏的事。

  我说:所以呢。

  他说:所以出发前必须强调和对方达成一致,不管什么事情,一旦发生了,不管谁的决定,都不要生气和争吵,而是马上接受现实,并共同积极地寻找解决的途径。古人说的好:事后诸葛亮,不是刘备那个战无不胜的诸葛亮,而是专门气司马懿而最后也被气死的诸葛亮,这样的诸葛亮,我们不做也罢。

  对于导师的这番话,我深以为然。

  旅途中,我坚守这些原则,基本没有发生过争吵,白天偶尔被她气一下,我也是保留到晚上,加上爱一并报复给她,最后都幸福地不要不要的...

  我想,这就是导师说的争吵外的激烈交流吧。



  








 作者:静等花开16 回复时间:2020-02-03 20:10:04
  这位导师真乃良师,让人尊敬!








 作者:大钟919 回复时间:2020-02-04 11:06:44
  春暖花开,寒尽泰来,早上问好!








 作者:骊歌语骊歌 回复时间:2020-02-05 19:32:25
  问好!








 作者:songlang1984 回复时间:2020-02-07 17:24:25
  问好


有才子曰:无谓的争吵

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  20. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `id` = 96 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000242s ]
  21. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 95 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.000281s ]
0.077432s