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      二号病院
      发布日期:2020-05-25

      当我被一阵风吹醒的时候,我发现我正处于一个完全不知名的世界里,这个世界里有奇形怪状的黑色石头,还有一些完全未曾见过的黑色烟雾,而我则完全被包裹在一片黑色之中。当然,这些黑色混合在一块,是完全无法分辨这些黑色到底是由什么事物构成的,显而易见,我在撒谎,当然,我也可以自我辩驳为,我在想象。 

      我喜欢这样的想象,而且有些极度狂热,应该说,我钟爱于此,并且乐此不疲。当我从一段故事里窃取了我所需要的黑色,从中仿佛吸食鸦片一般解决了瘾头之后,我都会虚脱地得到彻底的释放。你可以说我灵魂出窍,也可以说我自欺欺人,甚至为此诅咒我,我都在所不惜,因为我有一个美丽的黑色世界,这黑色世界里有一切纷繁复杂,并且毫无逻辑可言的发展顺序,这一切只是因为我的叙述与想象而存在,并不因为凡间的不认同而削去棱角,或者彻底被同化。 

      在你们的眼里,我只是一个被钉在了精神病院的病人,你们可能觉得我无知,或者觉得我狂躁,甚至有时候觉得我无可救药,我赞成你们的想法,而且坚决拥护,因为无知才能无畏,狂躁才能释放,无可救药才能从你们的意图解救里得到解脱。 

      住在我隔壁的李婶非常喜欢我的这种特立独行,她常常从她的病房窜到我的病房,为我念她新做的诗歌,并且常常将我幻化成为她的知音,我不知道自己能否称得上她的知音,但是为了她家里送过来的那些美食,我经常回给她一个意味深长的笑容。 


      在这座病院里,有一种非常特别的格局,越是人们觉得能拯救的病人,往往都被安排在底层,而人们觉得已经病入膏肓到无可救药的,都被安置在顶楼。我洞悉他们这样安排的初衷,他们给我们安置这样的一个位置,方便了我们纵身一跃,同这个明亮的世界挥手作别。但是作为一个特立独行的人,我无法忍受别人为我安排死法,假如某一天我真真要同这个明亮的世界作别,我也要寻到一个与众不同的法子。 

      当然,我尚年幼,死亡对我而言虽然异常临近,却也非常遥远。我渴望在我的有生之年里,有一段甜美的爱情,当然,前提是,这家病院里有我中意的对象。但是很不幸,来这里的异性绝大多数已念过三十,我只能作为她们的小弟存在,像李婶那样将我当成知音的还是少数,而且说句实话,李婶的诗歌我实在无法弄懂,我对诗歌从不碰触,也有这一层的原因在里面。 

      在我进病院的许多年里,我一直在思索一个问题,如果我作为正面人物存在,是否现在身在病院之外的人们都会被关进这家病院。于是我开始担心房源的问题,担心某一天突然之间我的思想占了主流,人们的思想成为非主流,是否这个小小的病院会被撑破,并且一地残垣。我的把我的忧虑非常虔诚地告知院长,但是后果是,我被院长的拐杖刺破了自尊心。 

      后来我才明白,这个病院里永远只适合少数人居住,即使某一天我的思想成为主流思想,我的叙述成为主流叙述方式,人们或者将我的主流压制成非主流,或者被我同化,而关在这家病院里的,永远都是少数人群。 


      在二号病院的大院子里,有一块异常沉重的石头,它初来的时候棱角分明,现在经过雨水和温情洋溢的暖风的侵袭,已经彻底沦为秃头。我一向认为没有棱角的石头不算石头,即便没有棱角,有些裂缝也能让人觉着这块石头是块真实的石头,完美的高大的想象,堆砌起来的只有单纯的狂热,这是一种非常可怕的力量,说实话,我惧怕这样的力量,深怕哪一天这样的力量席卷而来,就会吞噬我黑色的纷繁的世界。所以我尽量让我自己保持冷静,即便是我对我想象的世界异常狂热的时候,我也总保持理性的一面,以免我走火入魔,遁入思想的地狱。 

      当我实在无法忍受院子里这块石头的存在,并且已经恨之入骨的时候,我趁着一个夜晚将石头推到了我无法看到的角落里,但是那块石头好像院长设计的一处陷阱,在我刚要抽身离去的时候,黑色世界突然明亮,我落网了。院长带着一众爪牙将我围困在我石头边上,我知道我肯定无法反抗,于是不作任何抵抗地被捆绑。 


      当我被推到二号病院的楼顶时,我才发现我异常无助,我明白我将被他们判定死刑,并且没有人能得知我的死讯,我原本精心设计的死法,也将成为无疾而终的雏儿。我突然痛恨我为什么不早些死去,过不一会,我又开始诅咒让我贪恋尘世的爱情,这些羁绊让我无法潇洒而来,潇洒而去,它们最终成为我落在院长手里,惨遭戕害的罪魁祸首。 

      在我即将被推到边缘的时候,我突然纵声大哭,我为我无法按自己的意愿死去而倍感焦急,也为我曾耽于爱情而迷失方向羞愧万分。但是这一声哭泣却挽救了我,院长说这个家伙临死也会觉得害怕,看来人心未泯,放了他吧。 


      在我回到房间之后的许多时日里,我开始思索什么是人心,为什么临死放声大哭就能称为人心未泯。但是我的脑袋想破,思想像流水一样从我的太阳穴里流出,渗到了地表,我还是未能参透其中奥妙。看来院长也是位哲人,只是他无法理解我,我也无法理解他。尽管无法相互理解,但是我却开始觉得,院长是我的知音了。 



      有才子曰:二号病院

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      146. /www/wwwroot/caiziyue/runtime/index/temp/b16ba22d0070970d5f2953d968a1f88f.php ( 67.57 KB )
      147. /www/wwwroot/caiziyue/vendor/topthink/framework/src/think/facade/Route.php ( 4.70 KB )
      148. /www/wwwroot/caiziyue/vendor/topthink/think-multi-app/src/Url.php ( 7.52 KB )
      149. /www/wwwroot/caiziyue/vendor/topthink/framework/src/think/route/Url.php ( 14.07 KB )
      150. /www/wwwroot/caiziyue/vendor/topthink/think-trace/src/Html.php ( 4.42 KB )
      1. CONNECT:[ UseTime:0.001028s ] mysql:host=127.0.0.1;port=3306;dbname=www_caiziyue_com;charset=utf8
      2. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `qing_styles` [ RunTime:0.001857s ]
      3. SELECT * FROM `qing_styles` WHERE `etitle` = 'head' LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000898s ]
      4. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `qing_site_styles` [ RunTime:0.001239s ]
      5. SELECT * FROM `qing_site_styles` WHERE `id` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.001654s ]
      6. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `qing_category` [ RunTime:0.001109s ]
      7. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 0 AND `catetype` = 0 [ RunTime:0.000905s ]
      8. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 76 AND `status` = 1 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.000737s ]
      9. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 77 AND `status` = 1 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.001056s ]
      10. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 89 AND `status` = 1 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.000999s ]
      11. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 95 AND `status` = 1 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.000680s ]
      12. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 99 AND `status` = 1 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.000933s ]
      13. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `qing_nav` [ RunTime:0.001264s ]
      14. SELECT * FROM `qing_nav` WHERE `status` = 1 [ RunTime:0.000774s ]
      15. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `qing_archives` [ RunTime:0.001827s ]
      16. SELECT * FROM `qing_archives` WHERE `id` = 5228 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.001069s ]
      17. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `qing_user` [ RunTime:0.001165s ]
      18. SELECT * FROM `qing_user` WHERE `iuid` = 87 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.001377s ]
      19. UPDATE `qing_archives` SET `click` = 3767 WHERE `id` = 5228 [ RunTime:0.002713s ]
      20. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `id` = 97 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000646s ]
      21. SELECT * FROM `qing_category` WHERE `parent_id` = 95 ORDER BY `listorder` ASC [ RunTime:0.001291s ]
      0.150013s